john john asked:
This article is entitled “SO YOU WANT TO DATE AN ASIAN GIRL ?”
Why have I written this article you might ask ?
Well I’ve dated many different women from many different cultures (Asian,
Latina, African American, Caucasian American, Caucasian-European) and
let me tell you there are some major differences between the culture
you’re used to and a different female from a different culture.
First off this isn’t about race. Lets get that cleared up. That’s a entirely
different topic that usually deals with a society thing and how they
see dating interracially. This is just about cultural differences
and what a female specifically from the ASIAN culture will expect once
you’re dating. I’ve dated many types of Asian women so I have this down
to a science.
Secondly don’t look at anything I say in this article as a slam on Asians,
nor Asian women. Every culture has their beauty but they also have
their ugly side. If you’re not in their culture it’s Taboo to talk about
it openly without someone saying you’re putting them down. That’s to be
expected. Just please take this as helpful information you can use as a guide
if you descide or are currently dating a Asian woman.
Just like with any culture there are misconceptions based on what a person
may see on TV or the movies. A person may think all Latin women have nice booties
or can salsa dance, or African American women can cook really good and have nice booties too,
and Asian women are quite, shy, and submissive to men. Well we’re here to talk about Asian women
so let’s dispell the myth. 95% of Asian women aren’t shy, quite, nor submissive !
They’re actually HUGELY A STARK cONTRAST from this ! This is where things get a little on the
Taboo side. Most men that has had a long term relationship with Asian woman will tell you
they’re actually quite bossy, materialistic, and mean. WHOA huh ! Sorry to burst your bubble
fellas, but this is the truth, and it’s not a race thing it’s a cultural thing. Huh ?
Let me explain. Asian culture is known to be a culture with little hugs, and warm compliments.
That is for the kids growing up in this culture. I know you’re thinking “but that old Asian
lady at work is so nice”. I’m sure she is, but this is also the face that we all show in public
(our best one). Think about this. Have you ever heard a old Asian lady make a funny but rude
comment about something or someone ? Like “why you cut your hair like that, it’s ugly?” “Or,
your fat, you need to lose weight”. It seems funny at the time but this is how they speak to their
kids, and other family members when thier home. It’s common place. There is harsh criticsm or little
in the way of compliments. Lets say a young lady in this enviorment cleans the house for her mother
instead of saying thank you the mother might rass her and criticize her about the job done, even if the
house is spotless ! Well guess what when she gets into a relationship after the honeymoon phase
is done she will be repeating this kind of behavior on her man, and potetionally her future kids.
It’s a cycle.
Many Asian families are tight-knit. However, the way the interact with each other is with
criticism instead of compliments. Parents rarely hug their children, instead they complain at
them. Now I’m not saying these families aren’t loving, In their own way they are, but this common
place with Asian homes (example – “you think this house is clean, i still see dirt everywhere”).
This goes hand and hand with BOSSY. Most Asian parents with be to a degree Bossy with their
kids which pruduces women that are BOSSY with thier boyfriends, and Husbands.
I thought Asian women were submissive to thier men ? Submissive ? Asian women
have their role in Asian culture, but it’s not what most men think it is. It’s usually a role
of dominance and control. first off look at old Asian culture. Some Asian Cultures have had
women leaders for long periods of time. If they were submissive and had this male dominated
society how could this be the case ? Well, I’m telling you it’s not the case.
In most Asian homes it’s not only the kids that deal with criticism but it’s also the husband.
He didn’t do enough yard work, or didn’t give her enough money for shopping needs,
or doesn’t work hard enough at his job, or didn’t complete a project fast or good enough for her,
or didn’t fill up the minivan with gas, or , or, or, or. You might say American women complain
too. Yes, they sure do, but let me assure you this is to a new level. In this culture nothing
this husband can do will be right. Their are no thank yous, just “but you didn’t do this”.
Most older Asian men fade into the backgrownd why their wives run the show. Most drink hard, and
smoke alot as a result. The wives tend to be shuffling around doing something and complaining
about something that wasn’t done right while the husband sleeps in a easy chair (after a few drinks).
Most Asian men growing up in this cultural see it and accept it as it’s all they know. Most women
repeat the patterns of their mother. The problem comes in when Johnny white boy meets a Asian girl at work,
at the park, on the internet, or at the niteclub. He sees this beautiful exotic female, and her
nice shy way and thinks “wow, I’m lucking out here”. Then after 9 months of dating her and her
being super nice something happens. It’s what I like the call “THE EVENT”. “THE EVENT” is first the time
her real personality comes out. It’s usually over something really, really small. You
might spill a drink. You might be 5 minutes late picking he up somewhere. You might forget to open
up the car door for her, or you might turn down a invite to one of the many Asian family parties
you’ve gone to. These small things are the triggers to make “THE EVENT” happen. What happens though ?
Well let’s put it this way buckle up my friend and get ready for the most scarest ride of your life!
This once nice shy, peaceful, submissive woman will turn 180 degrees on you. First off I’ve met many
men over the years that have had these things happen to them during “THE EVENT”. Soda cans thrown
at them, slapped, yelled at, mean hurtful things said, furniture thrown (chairs, etc). An you’re thinking
“I was just five minutes late”. Or “I’ve been to 20 parties and I’m just saying no to this one
because I’m tired, what’s going on here ?” Whatever the situation is this doesn’t warrant this
kind of behavior on her part.
The problem is this is now the tip of the iceburg. Chances are at some point she might apologize,
but a month later this behavior will rear it’s ugly head again. As time goes on the apologies
will get less, and the behavior more prevelant. Some may be more violent. Some may be less viloent
and more wordy, meaning they will criticize everything you do or don’t do. This constant behavior
usually will happen when the relationship has been going a while. It builds up til this is all it
is. Before you know it that submissive, nice, shy person is gone. All you’re stuck with now
is a woman, that’s bossy, shows little love, criticizes everthing you do, is never satisfied,
and has total control over your relationship. Here’s the funny thing too, everything she yells
at you about she will hypocritically do herself ! HUH ? Yes, if she spills a drink it’s no big deal,
if you do it you will be criticized to the 10 degree ! Why is all of this happening ? Well this is
how she was raised. Chances are this is how her mother talked to her and her father, and
how she interacted with her syblings. This is how she was taught to have relationships. Remember most
people put on their best faces. I’m mean to a degree they know it’s wrong, but it’s the only
way they know how to live. So around strangers, or acquointances they’re the super nice helpful
Asian girl, but at home they rule the house plain and simple. Asian women run the show at home
bottom line !
This is a fact men really need to know. Don’t date Asian woman thinking all of the wrong things.
Like she is submissive, quite, etc, etc. If you do you will get taken for a ride. The thing to
do is know they were raised under different circumstances then you and keep your eyes and ears
open to see if something’s wrong before proceeding further. This is about maximing
your dating so you don’t waist your time with someone that won’t be any good for your life. If something
isn’t right leave and move on instead of trying to work with a girl like this and her problems.
You can’t change a person’s culture. If a Asian woman is acting this way to you chances are this
is how her family has been for generations. Don’t try to change it. If “THE EVENT” happens RUN !
If it never does then you might have a cool Asian female on your hands.
This is where I want to reinterate. I’m not slamming Asian women. This is just pointing out a few
unfortunate truths about the culture. For the record their sense of family is tremendous,
and I think if some other cultures had that sense of family they would be more successful
in the world. The problem in Asian culture is the way they interact with each other as a family.
Just to give you an unbiased example. You may have heard some women say “oh I don’t date a man from
Africa, Middle East, or Morroco.” Even some African-American women say this. Why ? Because,
those cultures tend to have harsh treatment towards women, and have an extremely dominant role for
the man. Again like the women above they will be charming and loving until “THE EVENT” happens,
fallowed by sorries, and time elapsed. Then BAM it will happen again, til the time bewtween these
episodes are shorter, and the sorries are fewer. Are all men like this from these countries. No,
but enough to be at least cautious. Culture is a very strong thing. If a culture is very male
dominated with harsh treatment to the women, and a woman outside the culture is dating a man from this
culture she should be at least aware so she can keep her eyes open for behavior that isn’t right.
This the same for men dealing with Asian women. Know their culture is different. Know there are
somethings that are harsh towards men. Be informed and stay alert, and watch for behavior that
isn’t right.
Materialistic ?
Next myth is Asian women aren’t marterialistic. What a lot of people don’t know unless they’ve spend
lot of time with Asians as the boyfriend of one of these these young ladies is there’s a large
competition factor between Asians, and from one family to the next. Who can provide the better car
for their kid, clothes for their kid, party thrown, Etc. Even for those that don’t have a lot of
money this competition still exist. This usually doesn’t rear it’s head til somewhere down the line
in the relationship. There might be a argument here and there about money, then before you know it
nothing financially you do will be right. You’re now being criticized like the above. Don’t date
a Asian woman thinking “oh they’re less martialistic and expect less then American women. WRONG !
One thing that strikes me is those that like to send money back home (to the Philipines, or Thailand,
etc). I’ve met girls where their parents were dirt poor but expected everyone
to chip in and send money to their home coutries to a relative that was doing well fiancially
at least as far as their country was concerned ! Here I am looking at pictures of this relative’s
custom built home in thier country, and provided the knowledge they have a great job there and do
well financially. Then I see everyone chipping in money to send to this person. I’m like “what the
heck?”. I was then told by my girlfriend “over there they see America as being
so rich, and they expect us to send them money”. “So, you’re parents that wait tables, and are janitors
are expected to send money home to a relative that has a nice house, and good job?” I’m then told angrily
“that’s just how things are !” Again my friend don’t try to change cultural.
I’ve also seen the opposite where the family member over in their home country doesn’t have a lot
of money but gambles alot, but yet everyone feels bad and chips in to send him or her money !
Or it’s family members no one knows that well but they call or write asking for money so everyone
chips in. FYI most of the people in this culture that ask for money usually are the irrisponsible
ones. The ones that don’t ask for money are the prideful ones and are usually responsible and reourceful,
their only problem is giving to those that are irrisponsible. It’s cycle. If you’re with such a responsible
and resourceful woman be prepared to blindly give or get yelled at !
This also rears it’s head in her local family. If she has lots of sisters and brothers expect a couple of them
to be hugely irrisponsible. Guess what ? Yup your woman is piching in to give money. Usually not to the
sybling but to their parents, which the parents then in turn gives it to their irrisponsible kid of
their’s when they need it. If you don’t give you get yelled at ! I’ve used the stance that I didn’t mind
helping her parents (I know stupid huh), but I know that your parents give in every time your sister
needs money. So, if I give it will just end up in your sister’s hands.” Guess what ? No change. Still
get yelled at. This is just the culture.
So what if this Asian woman seems to be more Americanized (no accent, not into the food, etc)?
Still keep your eyes open for this behavior. Chances are she was still raised this way in America.
Meaning her parents are like the above, but she grew up in the US her entire life so she has no
accent. Meaning the same negative behavior could easily happen if this is how she was raised.
faithfulness ? Well in any culture that has mistreatment of either be the man or woman faithfulness
goes down. Just like the example above where the guys from African and Middle Eastern countries have
a rep for dominating to their women. Well when this happens these guys tend to see this woman as a
object not a person. When that happens her worth goes down in his eyes. This is why they also have
the rep for womanizing. Well this is the samething that happens in Asian culture why most of these
women that showed these behaviors were cheating as well. I mean if they are throwing things at you,
yelling at you, making bizzare financial requests of you do you really think you’re the apple of her
eye ? No you’re not. You worth goes down. Once that happens it’s easy to cheat on you. You’re not
a person you’re a possession. Plus you’ve excepted the crappy treatment above and have taken the
apologies why won’t you take cheating ?. It’s a progession in poor treatment. It worsens to the point
where cheating usually happens. This is a common thread in any culture if someone treats you badly,
it’s not a far strech for them to cheat. Well it just so happens that in Asian culture it’s common
for the woman to control the guy and treat him poorly, so you can guess the rest. The thing to keep
in mind once you’ve reached this status in your relationship with such a woman she isn’t concerned
of losing you (no matter what she says) because she knows that she can meet another guy just as easy
as she met you !
Please don’t juge a book by its cover. Meaning, you go to her home, meet her parents and everyone
is so nice. That doesn’t mean they didn’t have the above behavior in their home, it just means
you’re a guest and their being nice to you. It also means don’t go in their thinking you’re not
going to give this female and her family a chance based on this article. You just want to keep you’re
eyes peeled and witts about you. Everyone deserves a chance.
so where did this submissive Asian woman thing start ? Well truthfully it’s a Japanese thing
and some people are to ignorant to know Japanese isn’t the samething as Korean, Chinese,
Thai, Filipino, etc. Japan does have a class system in their speech to each other.
It’s still a harsh culture meaning not as many hugs, and little praise, but the women are taught
to speak a certain way that shows their a lady and not agressive. It’s a culture with rather polite
speech in general, and as a society Japanese are fairly polite. Has this changed a bit since
the modernization of Japan. Sure, but there still is a difference in household roles for men and
women in this culture. Most people I hear that have bad Asian girlfriend stories are rarely
Japanese. Mostly they’re Filipino, Thai, Vietnamese, Cambodian, Korean, and Chinese.
The one that gets the rep of being the most physically abusive and violent are Korean women oddly
enough.
So why date Asian women in the first place ? Well for the same reason why you date anyone,attraction,
and the hope they might be nice. If “THE EVENT” never happens. You aren’t getting yelled at on
regular basis because of dumb things, she isn’t making weird financial request of you, you’re chances
of having a good Asian woman increases ! The reason for this article is for you to maximize
you’re time. If you see poor behavior you’ve been forewarnd ! GET OUT ! RUN DON’T WALK. DoN’T TRY TO
FIGURE IT OR HER OUT ! If that behavior never appears then you have a “potentionally” good girl
which is why I still will give Asian women a shot. I’m just a lot more careful since I know a lot
now after several expiriences !
Soon I will submit a article about MAIL ORDER BRIDES AND THE SCAMS TO WATCH OUT FOR !
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Www.datingindemand.com
Thanks all and happy dating !
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