As a webmaster of a Filipina Penpal and dating site, I’m amazed at some member’s relationship mentality. For whatever reason, they view online dating as a jump from meeting to instant marriage without any courtship. This is not the road to take for a successful marriage, be it you meet at an online dating site or your local church.

Most initial contact is based on physical attraction. However, I recommend to members of my site to start out as penpals and act accordingly. No sexual innuendos, no promises, no commitments — take your time getting to know each other and see where it leads. Relationships based solely on looks is usually a recipe for disaster. I’m not saying attraction is not important, but it isn’t the sole criterion to sustaining a long and happy marriage. There has to be more to a relationship than the way he or she looks, but also on what he or she has in common.

Online dating to some is an avenue to circumvent the courtship process. They see someone online, exchange a few emails, and instantly declare love. In a traditional dating scenario you don’t usually declare love after a few dates. Why should online dating be any different? The courting process after meeting someone online should be similar to traditional dating. There is an attraction, you exchange emails, and if interest is sparked you flirt, communicate, and even do a version of traditional dating through online chats, phone calls and spending time getting to know each other. Online dating is not an environment where marriage success is magically guaranteed with a “hello” to a “I do” without involving the courting process.

Taking the penpal approach to meeting someone online, may help keep your behavior in check. I’m amazed when a gentleman is flirting with a lady within the first or second email. This person is usually trying to circumvent the courtship process and in doing so is asking for problems. Many who flirt when flirting is not appropriate, is the type of person a hustler is looking for. Keeping your words appropriate for the stage of the relationship you are in and by starting out as penpals, may be your safest and best approach to finding true love.

If you are in a hurry or feel you don’t have time to waste looking for love, you need to rearrange your priorities or in the long run you may waste a lot more time in divorce court or involved with an unhappy marriage. Do yourself a favor — be a penpal first and let the stages of courtship develop naturally. If you are as lucky as I was, not only will you find true love, but also a best friend for life.

hot russian bride

A 19 year old German girl is traveling alone around Australia and New Zealand. She is very well educated and able to express intelligent opinions on a wide variety of topics. Her conversation ranges freely over politics, personal relationships, education, the environment crisis, her future and elsewhere. In all areas she is articulate, open-minded and confident in her view. One day she is asked to clean up the kitchen, but it turns out that she has no idea how to clean up a small space.  She starts to fall in love with an American student but it turns out that she is not brave enough to let him know that she is interested in him. She talks about the career she knows she has to plan but it turns out that she is barely able to think about what she wants, locked by her fear of making a mistake and disappointing her parents. She is so ashamed and afraid of disturbing other people at the dinner table that she has to leave the room when she needs to cough. 

A Chinese student marries his girlfriend because she is pregnant. He is studying a Master’s degree in commerce at university. His mother calls his new wife soon after the wedding and asks her not to put too much pressure on him because he hasn’t finished his studies yet. He has (presumably) self-educated himself how to conceive a baby, but not one person through all his 25 years has educated him on how to handle being a parent. Now that he is going to be a father his own parents still want him protected from real life so he can finish his academic studies.

An American young man is traveling around New Zealand after graduating from high school. When asked what his life goal is he smiles and says he is interested in martial arts, and wants to explore and learn the mysteries of life. He plans to go to university to study anthropology after he completes his travels. When questioned about his choice he is not really sure but thinks it is probably necessary to go to college and says that “Anthropology looks interesting”.  It has no connection whatsoever with his life goal, and will not in any way help him to reach what he wants. Realistically the closest he is likely to come to exploring the mysteries of life is through alcohol, drugs and late-night philosophical discussions.

These young people are real and they are not unusual. They are well educated, intelligent and still hopeful that they have a bright future. They all have excellent potential for success and satisfaction if they find the right direction. They will all be able to work well in any career they choose but they all suffer from one simple problem. They have no idea about life.

I like to picture how they might be if they had had as much life education as they received academic education. I imagine the German girl already enjoying success in her first career – a strong young woman with no need for a man to provide her with emotional support. She is disciplined in her lifestyle (and tidy), full of confidence in action rather than words, and a lot quieter in her opinions. Relationship comes to her much later and she is much happier for it. The Chinese student is happy and not so serious. If his girlfriend gets pregnant (which she probably doesn’t) he quickly comes up with a creative idea for providing for the baby financially without disturbing his studies – probably an internet based business. He is healthy and strong enough to handle the pressure, sleepless nights and additional responsibility. In fact he sees it as a chance to increase his ability to handle life and takes it as a challenge rather than a problem. He has no need whatsoever for interference from his parents. The American man is undergoing a highly disciplined martial arts training and already developing some extraordinary abilities. He is inspired by the possibility of being able to use his training in the future to take on bigger challenges, perhaps learning how to heal incurable diseases or train top athletes in elite performance.

Life’s 4 Living, or at least it should be, but it appears that is only true if you know how to live.

Sarah McCrum

hot russian bride